Up in the Air Again

According to the United Airlines website I am sitting roughly 36,000 feet above the state of Nebraska right now. My previous flight, the one that carried me over Lake Michigan from Muskegon to Chicago in thirty-three minutes a little over two hours ago, was so darn empty that the flight attendant got on the intercom and said, and I quote, "Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to your private jet." This flight, however, the one that's currently hauling me to San Francisco from Chicago, is so damn packed that I had to ditch my carry-on luggage at the gate even though I'm sitting all the way up in the ninth row, which is totes fine because I just downed two vodka drinks and so pretty much everything is fine, including these bumps.