Because I sucked down numerous Costco-sized portions of Dial soap as a raunchy rug rat, each and every "shitmouth" or "assbag" I've uttered in the years since has tasted a bit too Spring Apple Blossomy for my liking.

So I adapted.

Top Five Dirty Words That I'll Never Get Grounded For Using

5. koro 

Language: Japanese 

Part of Speech: noun 

Definition: The fear of retraction of the penis into the body. 

Use in a Sentence: "His koro prevents him from watching hot dog eating contests." 

4. backpfeifengesicht 

Language: German 

Part of Speech: noun 

Definition: A face that cries out for a fist in it. 

Use in a Sentence: "The cast of "Jersey Shore" has, by far, the tannest bunch of backpfeifengesichts on TV right now."

3. tingo 

Language: Pascuense 

Part of Speech: verb 

Definition: To borrow items from a friend, one by one, until there is nothing left. 

Use in a Sentence: "If he isn't careful, that skank is gonna tingo his ass out of house and home."

2. TBW 

Language: Internet 

Part of Speech: noun 

Definition: A tiny-brained wiper of other people's bottoms. 

Use in a Sentence: "If it weren't for my fat boss' addiction to Taco Bell, we wouldn't need to keep a TBW on the payroll."

1. sitzpinkler 

Language: German 

Part of Speech: noun 

Definition: Literally translates to mean "a man who sits down to pee." Also, a wimp. 

Use in a Sentence: "I was never a sitzpinkler until I got an iPhone."