To be a member of my family is to play a perpetual game of telephone.

Though completely fabricated, the following exchanges are quite likely very accurate representations of actual telephone conversations between members of my family.

Mom: "Mark and I visited Corey in Chicago last weekend. We had an okay time. We saw a play and took Corey grocery shopping because all he eats is Ramen noodles that he makes in his coffee maker because he won't get his gas turned on because he's cheap."

Grandma Lambert: "Oh, how nice."

Mom: "Also, Corey quit his job at the publishing company after one day."

Grandma Lambert: "Oh, how nice."

Mom: "He said they seemed like a sketchy company and he was worried that he would never see a paycheck."

Grandma Lambert: "Oh, how nice."

Mom: "Oh, and if we forgot to tell you a couple of years ago, Corey spent the New Year's Eve before last in Times Square in New York City and almost got to see the ball drop in person."

Grandma Lambert: "Oh, how nice."

Based on what was learned in that short dialogue, the following conversation transpired later in the week between my grandmother and my Aunt Vicki.

Grandma Lambert: "Chad quit his job."

Aunt Vicki: "What? He has a wife and two kids."

Grandma Lambert: "Corey has a wife and two kids?"

Aunt Vicki: "No. Mom, you sai…"

Grandma Lambert: "When did he get kids? He doesn't even have heat or electricity."

Aunt Vicki: "Corey doesn't have heat in Chicago in the winter?"

Grandma Lambert: "No. And all he eats are coffee noodles."

Aunt Vicki: "Mom, those aren't even a real foo…"

Grandma Lambert: "And he did some sketches for a company that they are paying him for."

Aunt Vicki: "Mo…"

Grandma Lambert: "Oh, and next Christmas Eve Corey gets to drop the ball in Times Square."

Aunt Vicki: "That's not even pos…"

Grandma Lambert: "Well, I better go finish my sewing."

Aunt Vicki: "Mom, wai..."

Grandma Lambert: "Bye Debbie."

Aunt Vicki: "Mom, it's Vick..."


Having read the previous two conversations, you can probably guess where my father gets it from.

Me: "Hey Dad. My interview went well today."

Dad: "Oh, how nice."

Me: "Yah. It was for a sales and marketing position with a wholesale flower company."

Dad: "Oh, how nice."

Later that day…

Kelly: "I haven't talked to Corey yet today. He said he had an interview but I'm not sure what it was for."

Dad: "Oh, I just talked to him. He wants to drive a flower delivery truck."