I am no longer in college. I am not yet employed.
Doctors and scientists generally refer to this limbo period as the "Seriously, I Have To Get A Job Now? Where the F Did My Life Go" phase. In order to bypass this phase without causing serious damage to one's psyche, doctors and scientists believe that two factors are vital.
First, good nutrition is key. Having just left college, one should consider continuing their balanced diet of Beef, Chicken, and Shrimp Ramen. A body going through the SIHTGAJNWTFDMLG stage cannot withstand complete Ramen withdrawal.
Second, a healthy dose of Drama is imperative, preferably one hour a week of the Television Medical variety. In order to continue with the dramatic throws of having female college friends, it is absolutely imperative that Drama be a mainstay during the SIHTGAJNWTFDMLG stage.
Ever since these findings were released, I have been trying ever-so-hard to eat better, though with no microwave and a gasless gas stove, I have had to pull off some MacGuyver-esque stunts in order to sustain a healthy Ramen intake. It hasn’t been easy cooking all of those bricks of Ramen in my coffee maker everyday, and giving up started to look like the better option.
And without the luxury of cable television, I have been taking my weekly dose of TMD (Television Medical Drama) at ABC.com. Without a solid internet connection (I steal), a forty-five minute episode of "Grey's Anatomy" has ballooned into a three hour affair. Needless to say, it never took my female college friends three hours to be dramatic.
Despite all my efforts, I was still barely scraping by, certain I would soon fall victim to SIHTGAJNWTFDMLG.
Enter my father…the hero.
First, he had the brilliant idea of plugging my TV into a power source. I had no idea that sometimes a TV can receive basic channels (visa vi ABC) if you just plug it into a wall outlet.
Then, in another heroic act, my dad turned the knob on my stove to reveal that sometimes, even if you think your gas is turned off, it is not.
Before, when I was battling SIHTGAJNWTFDMLG with nothing but a coffee maker and a bad internet connection, I thought I would never make it to the "Wait, So I Have To Do This Eight Hours a Day Everyday? Where the F Did My Life Go" phase of my life.
But thanks to my father, my stove and basic cable, I have discovered that SIHTGAJNWTFDMLG can be fought. And can be beaten.
So next time I'm wondering "Where the F Did My Life Go?" I can find solace in knowing that somewhere in this crazy mixed-up world a father is teaching his college grad how to push down a toaster lever. And I’ll smile.
Here's to you, Dad!