According to sources close to the matter, it's apparently something of a dick move to give your sister's kids candy thirty minutes before bedtime.
Because the dude loves himself some ink, I picked up a pack of more than a hundred temporary tattoos for my nephew Harrison recently.
Me: Which one do you want to put on?
Harrison: All of them.
Me: You can have one.
We're at six so far.
The following conversation took place during a FaceTime call earlier today.
Brother-In-Law Chris: We're becoming vegetarians.
Four-Year-Old Nephew Harrison: No, I'm becoming a policeman. I will send bad people who say shut up and make fires to jail.
Me: And who's gonna put out the fires?
Four-Year-Old Nephew Harrison: I am.
Me: Wait, are you gonna be a fireman or a policeman?
Four-Year-Old Nephew Harrison: Both. I will be a fireman and a policeman.
Me: That sounds great!
Four-Year-Old Nephew Harrison: And a ninja.
Me: Oh wow, a ninja, too? That's impressive.
Four-Year-Old Nephew Harrison: Yeah, at my age.
Harrison's Mother's Day gifts always make me regret not becoming a mom.
My favorite parts include but are not limited to:
- She is maybe 15 years old.
- My mom is happy when I don't say bad words.
- Her favorite song is Kidz Bop.
Also, that headband.