Please Sit and Watch "Runaway Bride" with Me, Please

Since yesterday a whole lot of feelings have been happening in the place where my feelings happen and as a result I'm on the couch for the second night in a row wrapped in my favorite blanket watching a rom-com (last night was You've Got Mail, tonight is Runaway Bride) with Ellie by the side.

Right now I'm at the part in RB where Julia Roberts is swishing like a bell while Richard Gere reads his newspaper upside-down in an attempt to act like he doesn't care but I know better and Julia Roberts knows better, too.

Richard Gere cares.

I love this movie. I mean, come on, it's Roberts and Gere and a doughp soundtrack. Speaking of which, it would be pretty rude of me not to point out that track number eight, "Never Saw Blue Like That" by Shawn Colvin, gets overshadowed in the movie by the better-known hits of the Dixie Chicks, Marc Anthony and U2, but it's a gorgeous song in and of itself.

Runaway Bride is the thirteenth movie I've watched this year so far. I know that because I'm keeping track. It's awful that I've read zero books in 2018.

Oh snap, Christopher Meloni just punched Richard Gere right in the face!

During a dang wedding rehearsal!

In a church!

Like Daniel Craig and, well, most men really, Christopher Meloni just keeps getting more handsome with age. And he's not wearing a shirt in a ton of his Instagram photos. Also, I think he takes more selfies than I do, Maureen.

See? That's five selfies in six pictures. Plus an extra gross one of Drumpf.

Where was I?

Oh well, it doesn't matter.

I'm not gonna post this post anyway.


Ellie's finally asleep. She's a queen, but damn she's got a lot goin' on. I think she thinks she can talk because she'll look me in the eye and howl like I'm supposed to know that her favorite ball is stuck under the fridge.

Okay things are wrapping up on the movie front.

We're to the part when Clapton's "Blue Eyes Blue" plays over a montage of Julia and Richard doing a whole bunch of stuff by themselves such as looking introspectively into the distance while each one tries to figure out if the rest of their lives are gonna be worth a shit without the other in it.

I think we know what's coming.

It's love.

Love is coming.

Okay Richard Gere's New York City apartment is amazing. Built-in bookshelves! French doors! A fireplace! That big-ass balcony! The view! But real talk, thank god they get together so she can help him redecorate. It's kind of nasty. And I assume that there's cat hair all over everything.

Oh my god ness here it comes!

The love part!

Right now Gere's playing like he won't take her back, but he will. It's Julia freakin' Roberts for crying out loud. Hasn't he seen Pretty Woman?

Julia Roberts: I'm turning in my running shoes to you.

Richard Gere: This is serious.

No Richard, this is gold.

Julia Roberts: Don't hide your face. This happens once in a lifetime, and it's definitely a first for me and you're not gonna want to miss it, so pay close attention.

Insert some witty, playful filler banter here.

Julia Roberts: I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point one or both of us will want to get out. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life because I know in my heart you're the only one for me.

Then they dance to Miles Davis while the Big Apple glistens behind them.

Then they get straight married in autumn on horseback.

El fin.

The End.

God what a great movie.

Oh, and if you watch the DVD past the end credits there's a sweet scene afterwards where J. Roberts and R. Gere engage in a flirty snowball fight before it all fades to black and the Touchstone Pictures logo appears.

I should fade to black now, too.

Good night, Internet.

The end.