I Seriously Don’t Feel Like Drinking Right Now

It's 6:45am and I'm riding in a tan Ford Taurus that's being driven by a man named Guy. Guy and I and his tan Ford Taurus are on our way to SFO because, after a three-day reprieve, I've gotta airplane fly for work again, this time to our nation's capital. Apparently it's cold in Washington, D.C. right now which is why I purchased a new winter cap for $3 on clearance at Old Navy on Sunday afternoon. It's a Team USA Winter Olympics cap and I'm assuming that quite a few people at San Francisco International will think I participated in the Games in PyeongChang because it looks pretty official and also because of well, you know, my incredibly athletic body.