All Over Again

I had a sudden urge to call my mom today.

And for one brief moment I'd forgotten it wasn't possible.

I was scanning a stack of papers at work and it reminded me of a summer job I had digitizing old property documents at her title insurance company when I was in high school. I would get home at night and she'd ask me how my day had gone and I would complain about how crappy their scanner was and today I was excited to call her up to celebrate the recent advances in scanning technology because it would have made her smile.

Then I remembered I couldn't.

And it was like losing her all over again.

I think that's been the hardest part about my mom dying, the fact that she comes back all the time, but only in ways that will never be enough.