I'm Not Crazy, Commercial Airplanes Crash All the Time, Probably

My little brother Bryan and I were exchanging text messages during his flight to Mexico City this morning when he sent a message that simply said, "Holy shit!!!" followed by nothing for several minutes. Then, when I finally attempted to text him back, none of my messages would go through.

Of course, being the mammoth weenus that I am, I was one hundred and ten percent certain that Bryan's "Holy shit!!!" message meant that both of the wings had fallen off of his aircraft and that it was also on fire and therefore my baby brother was, in that very instant, plummeting from the sky while simultaneously being burned alive, so I wigged out and called my dad who was out for a peaceful hike in the woods, got Bryan’s flight information and then paced around my dad's condo in a sweaty panic while refreshing United Airlines' website every few seconds for the remaining hour and a half of his flight to see if they had updated his flight's status to 'Plane Crashed Everybody's Dead'.

Needless to say, when Bryan landed safely in Mexico City a few minutes ago and casually FaceTimed me to say that he was trying to send a picture of a Bloody Mary they'd given him but lost his WiFi connection over the Gulf I was a total fucking wreck. In fact, if I didn't so fully understand the importance of a stiff drink while flying, I may have killed Bryan myself.