Or Maybe My Car Keys

Kiersten White, the author responsible for the young-adult urban fantasy series Paranormalcy, put this on her Tumblr page last week and it's highly awesome.

I find myself answering the same interview questions on a regular basis, so I thought I'd post it here. Feel free to pull for your blog, cross-stitch, or topiary design.

"How do you become an author?"

First, consume the souls of three enemies. Next, shed your skin beneath the light of a waning crescent moon. After emerging from your old skin, glistening and fragile in the night air, carve a pen from the bones of your ancestors. You are a writer.

"Where do you get your ideas?"

On the far end of the beach, the one you can never quite see even on the clearest of days, there is a cave.

DO NOT GO IN THE CAVE. There are no ideas in the cave. There is only agony and endless days with no sleep or death as release.

"Have you always wanted to be a writer?"

When I emerged, fully formed, from the laboratory of my creator, I wanted only to destroy. The desire to write came after I hunted down and destroyed her entire family line. Also, when I finally got some nice stationery.

"How do you deal with writer's block?"

The same way one deals with nearly every vexing problem: poison, a shovel, and an excellent alibi.

"Would you like a movie made of your books?"

I want them acted out in burning constellations, in the shattered remains of civilizations.

"What are you working on right now?"

Crawling through the depths of my soul, looking for a secret lost years ago. Or maybe my car keys.