I had an appointment to have a mole removed from my left hip this afternoon (gross, I know) and in the waiting room of my doctor's office I noticed, for the first time, a beautiful fabric mosaic hanging on the wall in a square picture frame with the following words printed on a laminated card just beneath it.
During my time of disability I made this "crazy quilt" from my suit ties with the help of Frank Baiamonte, my lover of 13 years. I hope it helps show that in facing pain and death, art, joy, love and faith do not have to wither. Isn't life "crazy!" Remember me fondly.
Presented to Dr. Margaret Poscher by Ernst H. Hase.
December 25, 1993
As I waited for my name to be called and my appointment to begin I couldn't help but wonder about Ernst H. Hase and those suit ties. I wondered where he'd purchased them and on how many thousands of mornings he'd reached into his closet to select one to match whatever outfit he was wearing to work that day and what was going through his mind as he stitched them together with bright, sparkling threads, knowing that he would never need to wear them again. And I wondered why he put the word crazy in quotes and if he really meant that life was fucked up or sad or terrible or too damn short, or all of those things.
And then I wondered about his partner, Frank, and how many of those suit ties were suit ties that he'd given to Ernst as gifts in their 13 years together, and how many times he'd said, "No, wear the blue one, with the white stripes." and how the hell he stood it as those suit ties became a craft project for his dying lover.
And I wanted to shout out to them so loudly that they'd hear me from wherever they are now, that yes, indeed, life is crazy. Crazy and beautiful and terrible.