I'm in the mood to ramble so I'm just gonna do that and here goes.
Last night Bevan and I went to Velvet Cantina, a gay Mexican restaurant not far from where we live, to eat food and also to talk through a big decision that I'm trying to make about my life. Usually when it comes to making big decisions I just kind of wait it out and let myself feel it and eventually it all becomes obvious, but I'm at a complete and utter stalemate with this one. It's kind of like both choices drew their weapons and fired at precisely the same time and now I'm just waiting for the bullets to land. Or maybe it's not really like that at all, I don't even know, I'm just rambling. So over our gay Mexican meal Bevan and I talked and ate a dope queso dip appetizer with a dollop of guacamole on top and drank two margaritas even though one was already too many and by the time we paid the bill I wasn't any closer to making The Big Decision and we went home and I got into bed with George Clooney and tweeted this.
A few minutes later someone on Twitter pointed out that the last time I tweeted, which was in October of last year, I was also drunk. They were correct.
Lately, and it's only partly because of this big decision that I have to make, I've been thinking a lot about life in the relatively broad sense and for some reason the line that Jack Nicholson's character delivers to the people in the lobby of his shrink's office in As Good As It Gets that goes "What if this is as good as it gets?" keeps pooping up in my mind. Wait, popping, not pooping. I meant popping. God, rambling is hard. Anyway, what if though? What if this really is as good as it gets? And worse, what if I'm already past this and onto that? What if that was as good as it gets and the rest is just, well, not as good? Like, what if?