Vanity Pains

I fell asleep wearing Crest Whitestrips last night.

Recommended Wear Time: 30 minutes

Approximate Time Elapsed Before I Woke Up: 3.5 hours

I'm not really a person of math, but by any logical standard the additional time should have made the strips like, seven times more effective, right? Well, according to Crest's website, that is not how these things work.

On the bright side, I'll probably lose weight from not being able to consume anything through my mouth for a while. On the less bright side, five out of five dentists think I'm a dipshit.