Because it's nearly midnight and I spent the better part of this day sobbing into a silo of Starbucks Breakfast Blend while the vat of booze in my stomach threatened to mutiny, I have decided to eschew web logging duties and instead recall some of the conversations I shared between waves of throbbing nausea.
Brother Bryan: The guy running Trivia Night last night was wrong. The Amazon is not the longest river in the world. It's the largest river based on fluid discharge. The Nile is the longest river in the world.
Me: All I got out of that was "fluid discharge."
Brother Bryan: Yeah. It's a pretty horny river.
Married Mike: Poor Charlie Sheen.
Me: I know. Bad things always happen to good people.
Married Mike: Saint Charlie Sheen.
Me: Broken laws and questionable morality aside, there's really nothing wrong with having a suitcase full of coke delivered to a party that you're throwing for your favorite hookers.
Married Mike: He likes to give. He's basically Santa Claus.
Me: Saint Charlie Sheen Claus.
Married Mike: That's my next Halloween costume.
Me: Can I be one of your hookers? I've already got the boots.
Married Mike: Yes. You can be my hooker elf.
Me: How have you been?
Childhood Friend Evan: Alright.
Me: What would make you fantastic?
Childhood Friend Evan: A new job and a better moustache.