Breast Buds

A close personal friend of mine purchased a rather interesting piece of body art for his rump recently.

Although I mistook it, at first glance, to be the likeness of a human eyeball trapped in a heightened state of alarm, I eventually came to realize what my close personal friend's new inky acquisition actually was—a woman's breast.

"Where's the other one?" I asked my close personal friend after my brain had caught up to my eyes a moment later.

"The other what?" he responded, puzzled.

"You know, the other half of the set."

"Oh," he said. "My cousin has it."

"What's that now?" I asked.

"It's on my cousin's ass," he replied. "You know, so when we stand side-by-side with our pants down it makes a pair."

And sure enough, it does.

While I couldn't help but admire my close personal friend and his cousin for their sense of sacrifice in the name of visual art, I also couldn't help but wonder how many of their future doctor visits would go something like this:

Doctor: "Please drop trou for your daily rectal exam."

Close Personal Friend/Close Personal Friend's Cousin: "Sure."

Doctor (spotting the tattoo): "What's this?"

Close Personal Friend/Close Personal Friend's Cousin: "It's a boob."

Doctor: "Oh."

A beat.

Doctor: "Well where's the other one?"

Close Personal Friend/Close Personal Friend's Cousin: "My cousin has it."

Doctor: "What's he doing with it?"

Close Personal Friend/Close Personal Friend's Cousin: "Well, we thought it would be funny to moon people with boobs on our asses."

A beat.

Doctor (cracking up): "Well you thought right! That shit is effing hilarious! Your doctor visits will be of no cost to you from now on. It's on the house."

Close Personal Friend/Close Personal Friend's Cousin: "Thanks, Doctor!"

Doctor: "No, Funny Guy With Boob On Ass, thank you."