Words With Fiends

Evidently, majoring in English and being a good Scrabble player are not mutually exclusive.

When I downloaded Words With Friends, a free version of Scrabble, from the iPhone App Store last week, I thought, at the very least, I would throw "ZOOPHILES" around a few times and smirk as my friends bitched about my genius over a round of PBRs at the bar. As it turns out, Z's are hard to come by and instead of smirking I've been wincing because of the stress ulcer now growing in my stomach as a result of my losing streak.

In fact, so trampled on is my spirit that, following my sixth straight loss, I forced myself to enter a pickup game with a stranger in the hopes of regaining even a morsel a self-worth. Two hours and a fistful of my own hair later and a "You gud speeler fur American" message in my chat box was all I had to show for it.

To date, my personal win-loss record is a dreary 1-7, including one defeat at the hands of a childhood buddy who still counts "Where's Waldo" as the best book he's ever read.

Funnily enough, the lone bright spot in my Words With Friends experience came this evening when I managed to aptly describe my performance by placing the words "JUICY", "SHIT" and "STRAINS" relatively close to one another on the same board.