Chatroulette

Late last year a seventeen-year-old high school student from Moscow launched Chatroulette, a webcam-based program that pits complete strangers together for face to face conversation. Since its inception, the Internets haven't stopped buzzing about the social camming phenomenon despite innumerable complaints regarding nudity, vulgarity and profanity associated with the site.

Never one to shy away from a fad of the Internet variety, I dusted off my webcam this evening and pulled the trigger on Chatroulette.

And this is how I fared.

Chat 1

Me: Hey!

Green Lacoste Shirt Guy: Douche.

Chat 2

Me: Hey!

Guy Holding Hookah Hose: Hey, bro.

Me: What are you up to?

Guy Holding Hookah Hose: Smokin'.

Me: Nice!

Guy Holding Hookah Hose: You cold, bro?

Me: A little bit.

Guy Holding Hookah Hose: Bummer.

Me: Yeah.

Guy Holding Hookah Hose: Later, bro.

Chat 3

Me: Hey!

Adidas Sweatshirt Man: What's up?

Me: I'm just checking out this Chatroulette thing.

Uncle Jesse: We're stoned.

Me: Hey, I'm just glad you're wearing clothes.

Adidas Sweatshirt Man: Your wall looks like mustard.

Uncle Jesse: Ha! It does!

Adidas Sweatshirt Man: Pardon me, do you have any Gre...

Click.

Chat 4

Girl in Dark Room with Sunglasses: Umm, hi.

Me: Hey!

Girl in Dark Room with Sunglasses: Nice gold wall.

Me: Nice…hair.

Girl in Dark Room with Sunglasses: Bye.

Chat 5

Giggles: Eminem!

Chat 6

Me: Hey!

Girl: Where from?

Me: The United States of America. Where are you from?

Girl: Russia.

Me: Cool!

Girl: What state you live?

Me: Illinois.

Girl: Is cold there?

Me: Yes. Is it cold there?

Girl: New York City?

Me: No, I mean, is it cold in Russia?

Girl: Yes. I live New York City.

Me: I thought you lived in Rus...

Click.

Chat 7

Me: Hello!

Male with Braces: Hey!

Me: Where are you?

Male with Braces: Orange County.

Me: Cool.

Male with Braces: Is it cold there?

Me: Kinda.

Male with Braces: It's perfect here.

Me: Nice.

Male with Braces: Sorry, I didn't mean to give you the big 'Weather Fuck You.'

Me: No worries.

A pause.

Me: Welp, see ya later.

Chat 8

Me: Howdy!

A pause.

Me: I like your jacket.

A pause.

Me: You're being kind of creepy. I can hear you breathing.

A pause.

Me: Okay. I'm gonna go.

Chat 9

Me: Hey!

Nappy Girl: Hi.

Me: How are you?

Nappy Girl: Bored.

Me: That stinks.

Nappy Girl: Next.

Me: Ouch.

Chat 10

Me: Umm, seriously?

A pause.

Me: You two should probably be wearing a condom.

A pause.

Me: Okay well, 'Corey' is a great name for a boy or a girl!

A pause.

Me: Alright, you two just keep enjoying yourselves then. I'll let myself out.