Lame

I arrived home this evening to find a small envelope in the box where a stranger puts my mail every day. Inside the envelope was a Valentine's Day card featuring Remy, the rodent chef from Disney/Pixar's "Ratatouille," lustily eyeing a cupcake.

The card read:

Hope your Valentine's Day is a real treat!

I love you.

Mom

"Isn't she just the sweetest?" I said to myself as I dialed the cellular telephone that had been resting in the pocket of my stylish black pea coat a moment before.

Mom: "Hello?"

Me: "Hey Mom, it's Corey. Thank you so much for the Valentine's Day card. That was really nice of you."

Mom: "You're welcome, honey."

Me: "What are you and Dad up to this evening?"

Mom: "Actually, we just finished reading your latest blog post."

Me: "Cool."

Mom: "Eh. Not so much."

Me: "Huh?"

Mom: "It was kind of lame. It was just a picture of your nephew wearing a Superman t-shirt. Is that really the best you can do?"

Me: "Well, I worked late and I was tired."

Mom: "Well, it was lame. Super lame, actually."

Me: "Really?"

Mom: "Super duper lame."

Me: "Okay Mom, I get your point."

Mom: "Like Magic: The Gathering lame."

Me: "I heard you, Mom."

Mom: "Or driving through Oklahoma lame."

Me: "Loud and clear."

Mom: "Or orthodontic retainers lame."

Me: "But I thought I was supposed to wea..."

Mom: "Or Nickelback lame."

Me: "Do you even know who Nic..."

Mom: "Or soft-core porn lame."

Me: "Ew, Mom..."

Mom: "Or movies based on novels by Nicholas Sparks lame."

Me: "But I love "The Notebo…"

Mom: "Or dogs dressed in sweaters lame."

Me: "I'll agree with you th…"

Mom: "Or tofurkey lame."

Me: "Vegans enj…"

Mom: "Or Paul Reiser lame."

Me: "His TV show wa…"

Mom: "Or hip holsters for your cell phone lame."

Me: "It helps me keep tra…"

Mom: "Or getting a Valentine's Day card from your Mother because you're twenty-five and single lame."

Me: "Wow, that wa..."

Mom: "Laaaaaaame."

Me: "Mom, I get…"

Mom: "Lame. Lame. Lame."

Me: "Are you finished now?"

Mom: "Actually, your Father and I came up with more, but I'd better be going. It's after eight."

Me: "But…"

Mom: "Good night, honey. I love you."

Me: "Mo…"

Click.

Like I said, the sweetest.