While partaking in a routine bit of mead absorption at Mullin's Bar and Grill in the Wrigleyville neighborhood of Chicago, Illinois on Saturday evening, a handful of my cronies and I fed a robust quantity of American one dollar bills down the eager throat of the house jukebox. In spite of the fact that much of the coin being imbibed by the music machine belonged to me, the gaggle of chums I was accompanying ignored my requests for "anything by Weird Al Yankovic, Shaq Diesel or La Bouche."
This evening, in an effort to satisfy my craving for the tunes stricken from the Mullin's playlist, I've compiled a list of my own.
Top Five Cassette Tape Singles Eternally On Rotation In the Sony Walkman of My Mind
5. "Walking on Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox
I requested this 1992 Annie Lennox masterpiece for Christmas when I was eight. Despite my best efforts, I failed to master the catchy opening sequence of this song during keyboarding lessons with Mrs. Larson.
4. "I Wish" by Skee-Lo
For my eleventh birthday, in addition to a lava lamp and ten packets of Big League Chew, I scored this 1995 hit to which I was attracted for its line: "I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala." Poetry.
3. "I Swear" by All-4-One
I attribute my hyper-sensitive personality to this 1994 remake of John Michael Montgomery's country hit of the same name. Boyz II Men who?
2. "Waterfalls" by TLC
At Saint Michael's Elementary School, not knowing Lisa "Left Eye" Lope's tricky rap solo was grounds for a year spent playing tetherball with the Safety Patrol. Needless to say, I rocked a seat at the VIP lunch table.
1. "It's Your Birthday" by Captain Zoom
A Space Captain sings my name eight times. Need I say more?