I count myself privileged to be forever treading water in a sea of endlessly comical persons, which is why I would like to share a few of the conversations that I've had the pleasure of partaking in over the past several days.
Co-Worker Micky: "I wrote a poem after lunch today. Would you like to hear it?"
Me: "Sure, why not?"
Co-Worker Micky: "Oh Outback dressing. Making my salad awesome. I'd eat you daily."
Me: "What'd you do this weekend?"
Former College Roommate Danielle: "Cut off my hair and got a tattoo."
Current Roommate Matthew: "How was your day?"
Me: "It was pretty good. How was yours?"
Current Roommate Matthew: "Well, I farted on the train this morning when I was listening to my iPod and there's no telling how loud it was."
Me: "Did everybody stare at you?"
Current Roommate Matthew: "No. They either didn't hear it or they were being really polite."
Me: "I need something that will make me happy right now."
Ex-Boss Brittany: "A good nose blowing always makes me happy. Also, hearing a great song that I forgot about. And ice cream."
Substitute Teacher Friend Evan: "A student asked me how much I bench press today."
Me: "What'd you tell him?"
Substitute Teacher Friend Evan: "He was only like seventy-five pounds so I just said "you," which was probably not a lie. Though I did decline his offer to prove it."