Drunk Dials

Some people collect ticket stubs. Others hoard lucky pennies. I myself am a saver of voicemail messages.

Although my collection boasts happy messages and sappy messages, messages about Harry Potter and messages crooning "Happy Birthday," the voicemails dearest to my ears are those of the inebriated variety, commonly referred to as "drunk dials."

After sifting through an impressive concoction of clips featuring slurred words and dropped phones, I've selected a handful of my favorite intoxicated voicemails, which I have kindly shared below.

Top Five Voicemail Messages Left Under the Influence

1. The "I Don't Usually Drink So Let's Document It" Drunk Dial
While I enjoy this voicemail message for a myriad of reasons, the out-of-place "on Earth" and "I told Dan Frazier he could ride in a car" remarks are tops.

2. The "Wasted Narrator" Drunk Dial
Jack, the donor of this voicemail, traditionally drops obscure movie quotes into his drunk dials, but I've yet to place the "paint train, paint the subways" passage that ends this one.

3. The "Too Drunk for Words" Drunk Dial
Is it just me or does Jack audibly remind himself of his level of inebriation at the conclusion of this message ("I'm so fucking drunk, Jack.")?

4. The "21st Birthday Aftermath" Drunk Dial
In all fairness to Nathan, this message was left in the wee hours of the morning after his 21st birthday. In all fairness to my family's love of entertainment, I shared this voicemail with them at the dinner table the following evening.

5. The "All You Need Is Love" Drunk Dial
I urge you to count the number of times Matthew, the primary caller on this voicemail message, uses the word "love." Give up? Five times. He uses the word "love" five times. In less than a minute.