As a kid the concept of teachers existing in the real world fascinated me. In my mind, once sworn in a teacher couldn't survive unless they were berating some poor, unlearned miscreant for sticking his tongue in the pencil sharpener or, like, grading a spelling test. As an adult with several teacher friends, I've come to learn that I was one hundred percent right.

Me: Is there anything better than hitting full cans of beer with a stick?

Regular Friend Mike: Ya know, I've thought a lot about it and I don't believe there is.

Teacher Friend Lindsay: What have you got there, Corey?

Me: A stick.

Teacher Friend Lindsay: Do you think it's a good idea to be hitting full cans of beer with a stick?

Me: Yes?

Teacher Friend Lindsay: It's not. I'll take that stick now, Corey.

Me: Okay.

Teacher Friend Lindsay: There. Next time, try not to be an idiot.

Me: I'll do my best.

Teacher Friend Lindsay: Good. Now go wash your hands. That stick is filthy.

Teacher Friend Lindsay: He's worse than my first graders.

Girl in Bathing Suit with Beer: *Burp*